Seriously, Craigslist?: Free whole wheat hotdog buns, seven bags, expired
Sometimes people list free things on Craigslist. Sometimes they are real finds, like a vintage bike or a gently used dining room set. Other times they are seven bags of expired Trader Joe’s whole-wheat hotdog buns.
Below is a dialogue from the point of view of the Craigslist inquirer. Responses from the Craigslist Ad are left up to your imagination.
Wow! Expired hot dog buns! For me? You’re too kind, Craigslist.
Whoa there, seven whole bags?
Seven whole-wheat bags, you say.
Oh.
Actually, I’m more of a hamburger person. Thanks anyway but…
Yeah. I saw this documentary once about how they put ground up chicken beaks in hotdogs and…
What? No, I’m not just saying that because they’re whole wheat. Whole wheat is…well, it’s good for you, isn’t it?
You’re right…that is more important than flavor, in the long run. Twenty years from now when they have to amputate my toes because of diabetes-related complications, I will think back on today and wish I had taken your advice.
Trader Joe’s, huh? No, I’m sure they weren’t cheap. That’s a quality product. I’m just a little worried about mold. Don’t whole grains decompose faster than, what…partial grains?
No, no, no. I wasn’t implying that you would knowingly give me inedible buns. That’s not what I meant at all. It’s just that mold is hard to see on this dark brown color and in-between all those seeds and non-partial grains and things.
I’m sorry.
I’m really, really sorry.
Of course you don’t look like a liar. You look very nice. Only a nice person would give away seven bags of nutritious, brand-name carbohydrates.
Soy dogs?
They’re good with soy dogs?
You know, it’s weird but I actually don’t think I have any of those in my fridge. I’ll probably just hit up a Safeway, grab a few Kielbasa and…
…
What do you mean I have to eat them with soy dogs?
What do you mean it’s required?
I’m sorry, but you really can’t require me to eat soy…
Okay, fine! I didn’t even want the damn buns anyway! What kind of lunatic gives away expired foodstuffs on the internet and then stipulates…
Oh, no.
Please…stop. I’m sorry. Don’t cry. I…
I do not hate you. Honestly, I don’t even know you, but…
I’ll take the buns. Will you stop crying if I take the buns? I’ll take the buns. And, you know what, here’s a twenty.
I’m sure.
Yes, I’m sure. They’re worth at least that. All those grains, you know. I really appreciate it. So, I’m just going to go now and thanks again and…
Yes, fine… I will eat them with soy dogs.
I do promise, yes. In fact, I’ll go to Trader Joe’s right now and buy sixty soy dogs and some organic ketchup. I’ll call up a few buddies and well make a night of it. It’ll be a blast. Thanks again, bud. See you…
…what?
….
…
…sure. You can come.
No. That’s okay. Leave your 15 boxes of stale gluten free crackers here.
ishouldhaveablog 