Breaking the law, one parking space at a time

I’ve been a cheapskate for as long as I can remember, though I prefer the term “thrifty.” It’s not that I’m materialistic and someday dream of doing the backstroke in a pool of money –because that would be unhygienic–it’s just that I enjoy turning saving into a sport. It compensates for my lack of athleticism.

That’s why, when asked to pay nearly $300 to park at work, my response–after screaming– was “No thank you, I’d rather walk.”

So I did. I walked to work and I walked back home. I won that round– twice over even, because I was saving money and getting exercise. Take that, work. This arrangement worked splendidly well while I was living 25 minutes away–by foot. The problem started when I moved 25 minutes away–by car.

Another benefit of being “thrifty” is that it forces you to think outside the box. So, instead of giving in to intolerable thievery and buying a parking pass, I decided to park on the street in front of some quaint little homes nearby. This arrangement worked splendidly well for nearly three months. Until last night. (Cue thunderclap and ominous music.)

Last night I got a note. Scrawled in pencil on a sheet of notebook paper and fastened under my windshield wiper,  it said:

“You really need to stop parking here. This is not a UMBC lot and it is a huge issue when you do it. Your tag is on file with the residents and if it is here again you will be called in by UMBC police”

I took the note with me, though, I should have balled it up and thrown it on someone’s lawn as an act of defiance. Or, I should have written back…something like “I’m not a bad person, I’m just cheap!” It feels weird not to respond–to just go along with it, especially when the hostility present in the note makes me want to do the opposite, you know, just to piss them off.

The note was probably the product of someone–probably an unfulfilled housewife or ornery old man–who watched me park there week after week and internalized his or her frustration instead of just writing a more polite note that said, “please stop parking here” on day one. That would have stopped me. I promise. Because, believe it or not, I’m not a criminal mastermind who terrorizes homeowners by parking in front of their houses… believe it or not, monopolizing people’s parking spaces is not my choice criminal act. I repeat, I’m just cheap.

Since I have little desire to chat with the UMBC campus police (though, I’m not sure they could actually do anything except say “Uhh…don’t park here, or I’ll warn you more sternly the next time you do”) I decided to go legit. Except, I now feel incomplete without that daily dose of illicit behavior. I guess now I’ll have to take up walking on the grass in public parks or something.